PSAKI: Sorry to disturb your breakfast sir…..there’s a representative from the “Starving Babies of America Association” here to see you.
BIDEN: Oh dear, I was afraid of this…quick, get rid of this Denny’s Grand Slam Breakfast.
PSAKI: The president will see you now.
BIDEN: Hey kiddo, how’s it going?
YET UNNAMED STARVING INFANT: I’ve been better.....You gonna eat that bacon?
BIDEN: Oh hell....Jen get this out of here! Jiminy Christmas, how old ARE you?!
YET UNNAMED STARVING INFANT: 6 months, sir.
BIDEN: Wow, 6 months….you're very well-spoken, is there a teleprompter under that bib?
YET UNNAMED STARVING INFANT: No sir, I'm homeschooling. Mom had me hitting the books pretty early. Said if I went to a government school then I might as well get a lobotomy.
BIDEN: What’s your name son?
YET UNNAMED STARVING INFANT: Brandon
BIDEN: Why you little piece of sh**!! I oughta.....
PSAKI: Easy sir. Focus…focus. Ukraine….money, money, money.
BIDEN: Uh, right…..so, what brings you here today, (sigh) Brandon?....you don’t look so hot, Bubba.
BRANDON: Well, mom’s been trying to get me to wolf down Scruffy’s Milk Bones since we’ve run out of formula. Pretty tough without any bicuspids and all. Solids just ain’t cuttin’ it for me.
BIDEN: It’s a dog eat dog world, son. Beggars can’t be choosers. Have you tried….y’know….uh, the teat thing?
BRANDON: Mom’s drier than the Sahara. I’ve sucked so hard my cheeks are turning inside out.
BIDEN: Tell me about it……Where you from?
BRANDON: Born in New York City, but when Mom found out that the Mayor declared open season on...well, just about everyone, we decided it was best to leave. But, I digress….Is that milk?
BIDEN: Uh, no….it’s plaster….we’re fixing a hole in the ceiling. When was the last time you had a snort of formula, sport?
BRANDON: It’s been a couple of weeks. Mom’s getting a bit hysterical. Dad’s completely clueless...came back from Walgreens with a six pack of Yoo-Hoo , slammed it on the table and yelled: JACKPOT! He's not at all well. I think he voted for you.
BIDEN: That's rough. How you holdin' up?
BRANDON: Aside from the constant stomach growls and my spine rubbing up against my belly button, I’m doing okay, It could be worse, I guess…..Is that syrup?
PSAKI: Sir, Robert from the FDA is on the phone….which plant did you want him to shut down?
BIDEN: Whatever Barack said….The biggest one, I think, but you better clear it with Gates. Let’s try a salmonella outbreak in the facility and run with it. Only use the planes as a last resort.
PSAKI: Roger that…..Oh, did I tell you that my husband's 4 weeks preggers?
BIDEN: Congratulations, Jen! That's fantastic news. He's going to make a wonderful mother.
PSAKI: Yes, my guy’s one sexy lady.
BIDEN: You got that right. Hey, and the beauty is if you two love birds ever experience a phony baby formula crisis like we're having now you can just whack the little turd at your discretion, and POOF....problem solved.
BRANDON: HELLO?!!.....starving child in the room!!!
PSAKI: Oh, pipe down you little nymph.
BIDEN: Look Squirt, times are tough for everyone. You’re not the only one with problems, y’know. If you’re going to let a little thing like going hungry ruin your day, well….maybe you should just fold up your crib and wriggle your whiny little butt down Sesame Street! You make me sick! Pull up your Pampers! This is America, land of the…..rockets…..red glare...and….home of the... trees! You want formula??!....yeah, well I want: a rigged election, crooked family, shady dealings with foreign dignitaries, a bogus virus narrative, ineffective and dangerous forced vaccinations, manufactured war, totally preventable supply chain issues, ridiculously sky high gas prices, open borders, LBGXYZ teachers informing our kids of the obvious benefits of mangling their private parts into sushi, Disney+, a crippled police force, free speech Czars, and piles and piles of ill gotten cash. You can’t have it all, little buddy.
PSAKI: You’ve got all that, sir
BIDEN: Shut up, Jen.
Secret Joe Biden Meeting With A Representative From the SBAA
Always love your humor, Eric 😂
It makes me mad to read it because it’s true.